Death of a loved one …

It has been a long time since I had encountered death. Thankfully, it was not me. But, it took my mother a year ago. Oh … the grief of losing her is very painful. It brought back a lot of memories. Some of them good, some of them bad. I have not yet gotten over the grief of my loss. She meant the world to me.

I lost my father when I was about 8 or 9 years old. At that time, I could not comprehend what was happening. I remember my sister coming to my classroom and whispering something to my teacher. After that, my name was called out and I was asked to go home with my sister. I thought I was in some deep trouble. I was constantly in trouble in school. So, I was very afraid to go home. But, I could see that my sister was not angry, she was crying. I could not figure it out …

I couldn’t understand why an ambulance was there at my house. I couldn’t understand why all of my sisters and my brother and other family members were all gathered around the ambulance. I couldn’t understand why my father was not there. Oh, I love him so much and I miss him.

And, now my mother is gone. Perhaps it is for the good. She had taken care of 7 children, endured much hardships, poverty,  sadness and depression during her years as a widow. She took care of me and she constantly worried about me. She is one of the most progressive woman I have met in my life.

Anyway, I wish I had the opportunity to tell her that I loved her very much and I will miss her. Even as I am writing this post, I cannot stop the tears. Every day I pray for her soul and mine to be protected by God. I wish I had the opportunity to ask for her forgiveness for all the demands that I put on her. I was not the best of sons.

I don’t know if I can ever recover from this grief. It has left a void in my heart that nothing can fill. My children replaces my grief and make me happy. But, I cannot ever forget my mother who sacrificed herself and worked tirelessly for me.

I love you mom. I hope you are happy with dad in the heavens.

A quote that I remember from childhood … It’s in the ancient language of Sanskrit.

माता, पिता, गुरू, दैवमँ

In Hindu religion, the order of blessings is as follows:

Mother, Father, Teacher and the Supreme Being. The Mother is given the highest honor.